I haven’t been writing as much as I would like lately, and definitely not posting as much as I would intend to. So I thought I would take a moment to excuse myself. It all started a few weeks ago when I posted a few lists of what I like, don’t like, and plan to do with myself. Add in a little time with Maggie, and my dedication to improvement has run amuk. I have thrown myself into the project I have codenamed “me” pretty hard. And to my surprise, I have not only stuck with it, I’m doing… well, okay with it. But well enough to see improvement and want to continue.
So where am I in my goals you ask? Well,…
- I’m at the gym every other day, running, lifting, and swimming. This is the BIG accomplishment that keeps me going. And it’s the one I’m seeing the most appreciable differences. Not only can I actually SEE muscles again, they ain’t too shabby!
- My attempt to quit smoking is on-going. I’m at about a half-pack a day. Not great, but definitely a step up from where I was. And while not as good as I’d like, I’ve maintained that level for almost a month. AND I have not smoked in my apartment in over a month (and NEVER will again!)
- I’ve greatly reduced my drinking. Not that I was ever an over-drinker, usually only having 1-2 beers in a night. The problem was frequency – one or two beers every night is not the person I wanted to be. So I’ve stopped. Oh, I still go out a couple times a week. But it’s now 2-3 nights a week as opposed to 6-7 nights.
All this change has come with difficulty. I’m not used to this much time alone. I’ve lived this way before, and the time spent in my own head scared me. That’s the big reason I have always either thrown myself into work 24×7 or thrown myself at the bars. Oddly, I expected myself to compensate this time with work, but I just haven’t. It’s the loneliness that I was afraid of before, yet for some unexplainable reason I am facing the loneliness this time. I don’t know where this is all going, but I hope it ends in a larger list of things I like about myself. Or at the very least a shorter dislikes list.
Music for my pre-mid-life crisis provided by Bon Iver
